Scenario 1: The past few weeks I haven't been to my kickboxing class for a couple of reasons...my funds are low at the moment so I can't afford the class fee, my boyfriend went travelling yesterday so I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could, and my shins were injured due to them not being used to skipping so much.
Scenario 2: My daily practice has fallen by the wayside, partly due to moving house and not getting the routine just right (especially navigating the new commute) and partly due to staying over at said boyfriend's house a few times a week. If I have no altar in the morning, I simply don't feel motivated to meditate or do the core practices of the Feri Tradition.
What do both have in common? I have blamed circumstances for my inaction, rather than taking the initiative and simply allowing blockages to pass me by. This is a pattern of my mine that I am coming to terms with. I am aware that I have very high expectations of myself and berate myself for not always meeting them. I think I need to work on the 'self' part of the compassion Point of my Personal Pentagram (which I will explain in a later post).
So, what do do now?
It is very easy to re-commit with grand gestures. It is far to simple to compensate for a lack in daily spiritual work with a two hour ritual to the full moon, only to fall back into the lure of complacency. It would be (mentally) easier for me to try and make up for the lack of kickboxing by going on a ten-kilometer run. This is automatically going to set me up for failure - once I've done the grand gesture, the more mundane, regular work seems insufficient. The big stuff should be built on the smaller, day-to-day actions. For example, I am planning on going back to kickboxing class this Thursday, so I decided to test out my legs by going on a run this afternoon. Rather than deciding to run the whole park as fast as I could, I simply jogged at a slow pace around the small heath near my home. This felt good; it felt like a positive move forward.
That being said, I have also today completely revamped my altar, having been inspired by a friend of mine who practices Haitian Vodou. I don't see this as a grand gesture; rather it is a way to motivate me. If I find my altar to be beautiful, as is befitting the dining table of the Gods, then I am more willing to do my daily practice there. Only once I feel comfortable with the daily routine of magical practice will I find the bigger rituals more meaningful.
Truly, regular practice is the key to unlocking the mysteries.
